Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
