I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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