I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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