Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
