Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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