I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i will never coherently bang her
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
