allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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