Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
