Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
