so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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