I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
