im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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