is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
