So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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