I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
