just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
