tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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