So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
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Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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