She announced her abortion via fbk
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
