I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
