Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
