oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just invented taco cereal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize