I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
