it's not cheating when I paid for it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
