He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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