im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
