There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it was like eating out sand paper
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
