I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
