Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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