I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
