that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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