Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize