Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
