I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
