So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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