Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
