My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
