went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.