Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day