I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar