so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol