Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy

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  (480): Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy http://tfl.nu/pa3a
  Replies (32) Good night (2305) Bad night (3540)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.

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  (636): Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often. http://tfl.nu/ixlv
  Replies (15) Good night (4672) Bad night (780)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.

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  (724): Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose. http://tfl.nu/bo74
  Replies (8) Good night (5821) Bad night (1280)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.

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  (618): It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over. http://tfl.nu/n4d4
  Replies (43) Good night (1198) Bad night (8922)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.

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  (262): Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security. http://tfl.nu/k9qf
  Replies (9) Good night (1100) Bad night (3413)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.

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  (615): The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw. http://tfl.nu/u9lh
  Replies (10) Good night (860) Bad night (2918)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.

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  (519): I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore. http://tfl.nu/9p2a
  Replies (4) Good night (1421) Bad night (943)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras

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  (304): you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras http://tfl.nu/x6pe
  Replies (3) Good night (1948) Bad night (566)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.

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  (210): What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that. http://tfl.nu/vntm
  Replies (12) Good night (1805) Bad night (513)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.

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  (330): Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out. http://tfl.nu/uvib
  Replies (7) Good night (1048) Bad night (518)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  soon, soon....

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....

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  (732): soon, soon.... (908): I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus..... http://tfl.nu/hpc3
  Replies (4) Good night (1006) Bad night (665)
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  (310): View more from California

  Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz

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  (310): Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz http://tfl.nu/s64c
  Replies (3) Good night (1052) Bad night (376)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??

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  (973): I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me?? http://tfl.nu/odnb
  Replies (2) Good night (739) Bad night (380)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress

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  (816): I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress http://tfl.nu/wfzu
  Replies (2) Good night (513) Bad night (208)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?

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  (973): what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits? http://tfl.nu/84bk
  Replies (3) Good night (134) Bad night (453)

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