dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
