I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
