I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
