No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
