I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
