Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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