turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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