you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
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I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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