GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
