i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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