So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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