y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
