yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
