I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
