my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
