Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
