Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
