So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
