Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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