when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
