Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.