I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
