is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.