Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC