why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
