did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
