I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
