So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
