I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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