Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it was like having sex with a tree stump
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
