i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
