I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
