Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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