my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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