Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
