A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
