Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
