It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
