jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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