My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
