I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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