I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize